just come out here and I will go home with you...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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