Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
