I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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