I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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