I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
