alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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