Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
