I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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