I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
