i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
