i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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