Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
