I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
