Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
