last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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