:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
