i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
