I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
