dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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