Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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