My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
