just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
