I am spending my child support on dildos
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
