It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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