i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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