She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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