Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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