mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
