Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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