go do what you do best...puke behind churches
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
