I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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