How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
