He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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