Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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