He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
