youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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