his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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