You're completely useless in the revolution.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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