had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
