i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
