I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
