well I can't set my house on fire every night
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
