Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
