Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
