I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
