Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
