Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
