Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
