So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
