This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
