So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
smell my finger.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
