dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
