My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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