Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
