My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
