I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I am morally bankrupt
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
